Short and sweet…we were a few days later than usual but we decorated the tree tonight. We plan to put up the lights on the house tomorrow. So we are just dealing with the tree decorations for now. I must admit this year seems a bit less festive for me considering we are getting ready for a move…I just cannot seem to get into the decorative spirit as I normally am.

I’d like to know why logically I know I should not let the pending move get to me yet I cannot help but have it effect my mood this holiday season. I dislike the idea of moving, but love the idea of more room. Catch 22.

As always the kids had a great time.

And here she is this year. A bit more bare then usual….I am missing a blow up Santa Clause for our yard and a box or two of ornaments….maybe they will turn up before Christmas.

Ah ha! This time is is my computer that is my malfunction instead of the ever so usual Me. I have been up and down with this computer for the last few weeks but right now I am losing my mind! I have a temporary computer to keep me up and running for the time being but not only is it slower but ALL OF MY F’IN PASSWORDS ARE IN MY OLD ONE! Yeah ok so I know what your thinking…well Nena if you had written them down then you would have them…so in essence it is my own fault…hence my own malfunction…SHUT IT! It is my computers fault for whacking out thus locking me out of most of my other sites because I cannot remember my passwords. Particularly to my Parental Chaos site…I have no gosh darn clue what my log in is…even my secret question I am not answering right…WTF…how can I not get that right? I know the answer! ahhhhh

This is just plain idiotic. There are no words to explain how stupid this one is. As you can see by my lack of a real indepth post and just this link http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff

I’m just at a loss for words that there are such ignorant people out there…but hey its Louisiana, that area of the south [La, Al, Mi] has yet to catch up with a lot of the country.

Seems easy enough right? Try to overachieve in hopes that you achieve more than you would if you underachieve….or does it? To me lately it seems that by overachieving I am setting myself up for even more failure and disappointment when I realize I have run myself ragged with trying to be the best me I can be and attain the most success with my current situation.

More often then not I find myself drained, fatigued, and wanting to give up. I book myself for more commitments/tasks then I can comfortably handle and the end result…especially lately….seems to be that of disappointment in myself.

Does anyone out there know why when it rains it pours? Why does it seem like Murphy’s law comes into play daily around here these days. Failure is not something I am good at dealing with, more so in fact then a normal human being. I take things to the heart far to often when it comes to my self achievements and pushing myself to the limit…but it seems as in the same breath I am the first to decide to give up and walk away from something that I don’t really feel like doing. That doesn’t even make sense! How can I be this competitive motivated practicing overachiever and the next give up and walk away? Is everyone this complicated to understand or is it just me? I seem to do better under pressure in any situation vs. planning things out in adequate amounts of time. Perhaps I am a closet adrenaline junkie utilizing each situation as a potential fix.

Now I am rambling…does this make sense to anyone out there? I am my own malfunction people.

- Over & Out -
- Nena X -

I don’t think I am a perfect person by any means, nor do I think I am a perfect friend, but I do consider myself to be a good person in general and to do right by others. I don’t take to talking behind someone’s back because I don’t like it done to me. I don’t step on people to get ahead and I certainly do no stab people in the back or jump to the assumption I know what a Friend might mean by something I might read that they post or via hearsay. I would stop, pick up the phone and call that ‘Friend’ and ask then what exactly is going on and to explain to me so that I understand what is going on and explain my position.

Instead of this I get online tonight and notice I have an email from a ‘Friend’ that is do everything short of cussing me out using insults such as ‘people like you’ and ‘nasty ad you posted’ and on an on…I am not going to mention any names at all [not that any of you guys would know who I am talking about] but I am just really hurt right now. I know I shouldn’t be and I know I should perhaps just shrug it off because this is not the first time this particular ‘Friend’ has willed out half cocked and w/ no ground to stand on, but even knowing all of that it still bothers me.  It appears I do actually care what some folks think about me after all . No just anyone or some random stranger but those I consider my FRIENDS, I do indeed care how they view me and value our friendship.

I am really new to making friends again. For so long I have not gave a damn about what anyone thought but I have come to the notion that I don’t want to be like that. I want my life full of good people and friendships. Now I do not need everyone to like me or want to be my friend but the few friends that I do have I would like to preserve those relationships.

I dunno this is more of a rant post than anything because right now I am saddened by how my evening has just turned out. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I that much of an unlikeable person? Do I come across that harsh and nasty of a human being?

- Over & Out -
- Nena X -