No I do not have a photo of her [she would kill me if I did] but she had to be hospitalized for an outpatient procedure. Today we went to Dallas to stock up on more supplies even though I suggested she stay home and rest and recoop. Her doctors said she needed to rest and that she would not remember anything about today. Well today I learned what it would be like if my mother had Alzheimer which is something I PRAY TO GOD never happens. We had the same 4 or 5 conversations over and over again today and I am pretty sure she spent way more money then she was supposed to. It will be interesting to see if she remembers anything tomorrow.

I love my mother and I am so glad this memory loss is only temporary and a side effect from the medication they gave her. Even though it is temporary it is sad to see your parents in a weak state. Today will not soon be forgotten .

Family tradition is all of us going to a Christmas Tree Farm. We visit the same one each year now for the last 4 years and the kids have a blast and we get to make holiday memories. This year was a bit different then most. This year we were graced with the ambiance of a very unpleasant woman naggin’ naggin’ naggin’ away. Going off on how horrible the customer service was, how the employees were incompetent, how she had to wait for someone to get the tree they wanted…and on and on and on. I was thoroughly disgusted and perhaps I made it known a bit to much by glaring extra hard at her and speaking a bit loudly to my husband telling him ‘hand to God babe, if I ever act like that slap me, shhsh me, or something’. That woman of course was from Southlake. Around here Southlake is the highcidity snob filled small town where most of the folks in it think they shit gold bricks and piss aged $800 bottles of wine. This woman went on to complain to the owner who happens to be a sweet older man that donates much time and money [profits from the tree farm] to charity events such as youth outreach programs. You could tell he was completely flustered and apologetic. I felt the need to approach behind him after the wench’s verbal assault to reassure him we love the place and have always been treated extremely well. He was appreciative of my comments and thanked me.

Luck would have it no sooner did I do that, did one of the employees ruffle my feathers but I let it go. This particular gentleman I have never seen before there in the last 4 years so I am guessing he was a new guy. He had to be asked to help put the tree on the top of the van [which is something that comes with the tree purchase] and he did not put the stand on w/out me feeling like I had to nag him, nor help us tie it down to the luggage rack. You could tell he was annoyed by our request for assistance and for also asking him to install the stand that we payed $23 extra for mind you. Needless to say he ended up splitting our tree and the stand is on crooked…but none the less we made our memories this year and the kids had fun.

2009 Christmas Tree Farm, they have grown so much just since last year!

Mr. Zion was itty bitty last year. He is clearly becoming his own person now.

Daddy cheating in the maze…no fair he is tall enough to see over the maze to find his way out. I on the other hand was completely turned around.

The boy is crazy like his mother…jacket who needs a jacket? The girl on the other hand is miss precaution.

The Zion wants to know what the hell is this on my head?

He does not look amused. It was his first time wearing a hat like this.

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- Nena X -

So I did it again, for the 2nd year in a row. It always amazes at how crazy stupid people get on this day. Prior to attending a sacred Black Friday shopping adventure I never understood how someone could be trampled to death at these sorts of events. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined or believed that grown ass adults would act so f’ing ignorant. Never would have I believed that all manners and common courtesy go right out the window.

Rude people fill the lanes of the retail stores shoving and hissing at each other. Cutting each other off and damn near running over those not as fast or agile. This year I went for jackets. They had adult jackets on sale for $7 and kids jackets on sale for $15. Seeing as we are due for new jackets and I tend to be extremely frugal I figured to myself ‘Why not, I am up anyway’. So I stroll out at 4ish am to good old Wally world. I ended up having to park in a Wendy’s parking lot w/in the shopping center where the Walmart was located. Oh the chaos. So anyhow my shopping zones were not in electronics or toys so I didn’t have much of a crowd to push though although I was in a shopping cart traffic jam on more than several occasions. I found my jackets I was looking for, WOO HOO! To my surprise I noticed a cardboard display with $3 kids PJs. YEAH! Snatched up some for the girls and then what is this that I see out the corner of my eye? A display of office chairs! EUREKA! Now I see why tons of folks had them in their carts…$35, WOOT WOOT! Michael was in need of a new chair so I snatched me one up with my bad back and all.

As I  descended down my Black Friday shopping hell check out aisle I picked up a Lipton’s Citrus Ice Tea and plotted my route to the peacefully calm subway restaurant in our Walmart. I found peace in my Turkey Sandwich and Jalepeno Kettle Chips as I watched and laughed at the craziness I had just been a part of. Halfway into my meal I noticed another flustered face that was also familiar. It was a new friend of mine from our local multicultural family meet up group. We greeted each other and she joined me for a peaceful breakfast.

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- Nena X -

Ok first get your mind out the gutter, not poked like that silly. I am talking about poked by the jab stick of life. Today I seemed to have a mini toddler like hissy fit. So its a very long story I will not bore you with but let me be clear when I say be careful in what you wish/ask for.I will now be sure to start my day with something like I just haven’t met you yet. Soooooooo…

Our life is anything but full of adventure, to me at least. It always seemed full of monotonous boring day to day events outside of the birthdays and such. It’s just not really like we do anything exciting. With that in mind I sat many times complaining at how boring it is from day to day around here full of childcare, work, stress, bills, childcare and so on. Of course in starting my complaints I started as such:

“God, let me first say Thank You for a healthy family and I by no means wish for you to think I am taking that for granted….but…”

Ah yes the infamous strings attached ‘but’. I would go on to complain at how monotonous days are around here and how there is nothing exciting or eventful going on in our lives. You would think by now I would not question God’s motives or plans nor try to change them. Well I supposed I got what I was asking for. In the midst of an already stressful holiday season approaching we receive a certified letter.

My husband walks in, mind you it was on a day we were semi pissy with each other and were giving each other the semi silent treatment for the few hours prior to this blasted letter arriving. [I cannot even remember really what for now but its something we tend to do to keep each other in check haha.] So,

I am in the kitchen.

Husband tosses a handwritten letter and a typed letter on the counter.

I look over to read the handwritten letter, shrug my shoulders, then proceed with what I am doing. I had no interest in reading the typed letter based on the handwritten letter alone.

He walks out the kitchen.

It wasn’t until a few moments later when we were back in our room together I turned to him and asked how much time do we have?

He answered. Then we discussed our options and proceeded.

Turns out we will have to find a new home come end of Jan 2010. We have lived in this wonderfully small house now for 3 years and have been trying to buy it now for 2 even knowing we have SO outgrown it. I have always knew in my gut we are destined for something else but I seemed to have grown comfortable in a safe non-risk taking sort of way. I do not know what has happened to me along the way of being a mom/wife and what not but it might have to do with the times we were really at rock bottom struggling in our journey together. Shitty luck with family, friends, work and hell just staying alive. Prior to this home we have never lived anywhere more than a few months. 3 years is a HUGE chunk of time for me to be planted in one place and starting all over in a new environment sort of scares the shit out of me. It’s the longest I have ever been anywhere in the last oh…15 years of my life. The last 15 years I have been more gypsy like than anything else.

So back to our developing events soon to come that I seemed to have welcomed with open arms into our lives by complaining how same old same old it is around here.

Day 1: I was fine and obtained our credit reports to start the process for home buying again.

Day 2: I was still ok and started reviewing our credit reports and making sure all info is accurate only to find out there are several things on there half from Verizon that are not valid and the others I have no clue. I was pleased with my progress this day. I achieved in removing 2 invalid blemishes on our reports and felt very accomplished.

Day 3: I started off good, then the journey started in dealing with those ass dicks they call collection agencies and proving their inconsistency. Day 3 was nothing like Day 2. The people I spoke with were rude, condescending and down right insulting. Towards the end of day 3 I was approaching a temperamental meltdown. BTW what the hell is going on with me breaking down so easily these days?

Day 4: I wake up and feel overwhelmed by the tasks of the holidays, school events, work [our busiest time of the year mind you], getting our credit reports in line with valid data and the little task of finding a new place to live! Lets just say I was very negative this day. Poor Michael had to deal with a very pessimistic biatch! Towards the end of Day 4 I snapped out of it and went out to get us pizza and baked goods. Hey you never send a temperamental woman to the grocery store alone where they sell baked goods knowing she has to pass the baked goods to get to the diaper/formula isle….okay maybe I didn’t HAVE to take the Bakery route but I did ok.

Day 5: I wake up feeling more optimistic and like this is all happening for the best. I wake up and check my emails to see our bank account [one we rarely use] is overdrawn $1.89 hence leading to a $32.00 fee. Normally in this situation I get very upset because we ALWAYS have so much more money then the overdraft amount in one of our several other accounts with the same bank. Ahhhh! But this time I looked, Michael proceeded to get my attention and say babe chill out calm down, I shrugged and said no biggie. It is what it is and I moved on. Then…later today [today is day 5] Michael went to pick me up dinner and used the wrong card. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it just so happens not only did he use the wrong card [which is my fault I should have been more specific] but he processed it right around 11:45pm. I tried to go to online banking to transfer funds immediately but guess what…

That is the wonderful message I received when attempting to prevent another OD fee. I think in that moment I self combusted. I hate how furious I get about these things and in the moment logically I know its stupid and childish and just plain ridiculous. But I tend to be a passionate person and perhaps make it out to a bigger deal then need be. So needless to say shit hit the fan. I went on and on with  “fuck this fuck that i quit whats the point fuck it I’m over it” blah blah blah blah. I started cleaning my desk. Cleaning like that is what I do when I am angry. I try to use it to be productive and not completely go bonkers.

Well I have obviously calmed down and I am now sitting here typing and out the corner of my eye I can see the huge pile of trash I discarded from my desk.

I had to blog here to get it out and let it go.

I AM TIRED OF BEING POKED! It’s always something. Bills, stupid meaningless overdrafts, credit report inconsistencies, work issues, kids, dogs and now finding a new home. I have decided I need to suck it up, apologize to and thank my husband in the morning for letting me vent and move forward. Before coming to post I went to change The Zion’s diaper so he doesnt wake up wet and sore and while I was back there the perspective of fees, bills and stupid old rude home owning men that are kicking us out and not fulfilling their end of the contract are really not that important after all.

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- Nena X -

I’m sitting here on a plane full of people & yet I still feel so alone because my people are not here w/ me. The silence is scary. The lack of stimulating conversation w/ my husband, the quite and absence of bickering and whining, and mommy this mommy that seems like a form of ancient Chinese torture you read about in history class. Already I have decided I like the chaos. On my way here I was full of anxiety and nerves. Second questioning my choice to leave my family for 3 whole days especially since Zion is sick, Michael is sick and Elias on the way to the airport started hacking up a lung. There were more things in me then not that were saying turn around, go back home this trip is silly. At the same time I know I had to at least try once to be away from them even though it seems like an eternity already.

The engines are revving up, there is an annoying woman behind me yacking on her phone complaining how cold it is on the plane, on Alaska airlines wearing a tank top no doubt.

There is an Asian woman speaking native tongue yelling at her husband about the right way to store her overhead luggage.

The overhead voice is giving us direction for take off…now see if I had a laptop this is where I’d have to stop my entry…instead I’m old schoolin’ it right now and busted out the composition book and I’m rockin a clicky BIC. I will be transferring this to computer when I get back home. So if your reading this then I am back woo hoo.

Uh oh…this broad behind me just coughed…SWINE FLU…ok perhaps not but anyhow…I have my trusty MD in the seat next to me…6:55 am and almost finished my 20 fl oz of Dew this is going to be a caffeine fueled 3 days.

Sitting back in my seat looking straigh ahead…OMG 3 whole days… I miss my family already. I want to go home and crawl back in my bed, snuggle next to my babe and plan the events for the weekend.

Damn It! Why do I hear a yapping dog? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I can’t even escape the yapping on a commercial airline? DAMN IT MAN. I should have taken out my camera from my carry on for in flight photos…hell I shoulda did a vlog……hand cramp ….. BRB

Not sure where we are now but this is my view…I am going to take a break, this BIC pen writing is cramping my hand up…time to watch my in flight entertainment on my digeplayer…see below.

………….movie over…..500 days of summer was a pretty interesting movie…I enjoyed it. Oh so pretty looky where we are now…

We are officially over the Rockies.

Now its time for me to watch another movie…and this one will beeeeeeeeee…. Ice Age 2, Dawn of the Dinosaurs. Yes people it’s been established I miss my family…Don’t Judge Me!

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- Nena X -

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Yes it has gotten to the point where Michael and I have joined a multiracial/cultural group on meetup.com. Ya know where folks find other local people with similar interest…I personally think its a great idea and I am glad we are a part of such a great group. Tonight we had dinner at Don Pablos and met a few new couples and they all were pretty awesome people. We have a great time and the kids got along and were very well behaved mind you.

I am just sitting here realizing that it has come to setting up grown up play dates for us to get out and meet other like minded couples with similar interests. We work so many hours and stay so busy that meetup groups like this are the only way we will ever get a chance to meet new families at this point. I am by no means complaining but rather putting it all into perspective and realizing how ingenious of an idea the whole meetup.com concept really is.  Thank God for outlets like it, because w/out it we would continue down our work work work path and miss out on making more friends along the way. I hope to gain lasting friendships out of these encounters, and it always helps when ya have similar interests.

Thank you meetup.com for allowing a way for diverse workaholic families such as ours meet up with other diverse families in our area. Without you we would not even known so many mixed families existed so close to us. I enjoy the future possibilities of more grown up play dates.

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- Nena X -

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Ah ha! This time is is my computer that is my malfunction instead of the ever so usual Me. I have been up and down with this computer for the last few weeks but right now I am losing my mind! I have a temporary computer to keep me up and running for the time being but not only is it slower but ALL OF MY F’IN PASSWORDS ARE IN MY OLD ONE! Yeah ok so I know what your thinking…well Nena if you had written them down then you would have them…so in essence it is my own fault…hence my own malfunction…SHUT IT! It is my computers fault for whacking out thus locking me out of most of my other sites because I cannot remember my passwords. Particularly to my Parental Chaos site…I have no gosh darn clue what my log in is…even my secret question I am not answering right…WTF…how can I not get that right? I know the answer! ahhhhh

That would be Pain In The Asses! So now that it seems I have figured out the direction I would like the rest of my life to head towards it seems that most other things around me are trying to fall completely apart and drive me nuts! Right now its all the dogs. Currently we have this damn dog here that insists on testing my tolerance for stupidity. This dog is not happy inside or outside, and when outside likes to dig and rip down our fence just enough to let the other dogs free. Well I am sad to say as of right now my sweet precious Tofu is missing! I am so very angered by this so much so I have been very sad these last couple days. Everything about the dogs is annoying the fuck out of me. The barks, the whines, hell the single fact alone that they need to eat every day sets me off like you would not believe. I have been on edge these past few days and wanted to do nothing more than just sit and sulk. This has really just solidified my additional change to our lives and that is getting rid of most of the dogs we have here and putting my breeding program on hold. We have far to much going on right now for me to put any energy, blood sweat and tears into that right now. The fact alone that I am not a heartless jack ass that lacks care and concern for the pups I produce has caused me to question my involvement in breeding. I will not say I will never breed again but I think I will only be breeding for my own personal benefit and considering I have a litter on the ground now that will be replacing my girl Deven once the dreaded day comes and we lost her to a very old age and full life….I do not see a need for any other dogs in my life right now. I have Rumba, I pray to God Tofu comes home , we have dumb ass Hova and my Deven plus her pups one of her pups that I would like to keep. However right now the rest of the dogs here…need to get the fuck out! Deven really at this point is the only Guaranteed keeper, her and my sweet Tofu once she comes back home.

So my dear readers…most of these dogs will be leaving the building. That is my ground breaking change in my life for the week….stay tuned  there are more changes coming.

Yeah! I’m so happy! Today I took the first step towards the rest of my life! Last night I had an ‘Ah ha!’ moment as my stars aligned and gave me the answer I have been pounding my head to my desk for this past year trying to figure out. Then clear as day while watching my back to back to back episodes of Oprah I had recorded on the DVR. The first episode was about Arnel Pineda now the new lead singer of the band Journey and Khadijah Williams the girl who went from skid row to Harvard. The next show was about Stephanie Nielson wow! I have to say something first….Stephanie is my new hero. In that episode Oprah had a mother who wrote in and said something along the lines of playing with playdoh made her want to kill herself. While I chuckled at the comment because I can so very easily relate…I did not understand why the tone of that woman’s face was not a funny one …. that was until the story continued and Oprah sent her to live a day in the life with Stephanie to see how she lives from day to day after surviving a horrific plane crash that left her burned and disfigured. I cannot explain the episode in full but if you have seen it you know what I mean, and if you haven’t and are a parent that looks at yourself in the mirror each morning asking yourself why in the hell did you do this to yourself, YOU NEED TO SEE THAT EPISODE! Google it, YouTube it or whatever but you have to see that episode.

Ok now all my life since I was young I always knew want I wanted to be…an Actress…while that was more of a pipe dream in most people’s eyes it was something I was very serious about. Then I got  pregnant, started a business, married, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, started another business and yes pregnant again that dream was long gone filed in a old weakened shoebox that rests in a dark corner of a room covered in dust. A dream I was truly content with saying goodbye to leaving behind in my past….or so I thought. After the Zion, something inside of me woke. The sleeping Lion had waken from its slumber and roared louder then it ever had in the past. I entertained the idea of acting again…but how? While it was something I wanted to do again, in the back of my mind I thought I’m to old, it’s to late, I am a mother, I have kids, I am a wife, I have responsibilities. Quickly after being fired up about it it passed. This past year this annoying itch developed in my life, one that I could not locate nor scratch. While many of you might say “Well yeah, you had another baby, that can be pretty annoying” I too told myself its another kid…another responsibility, another ‘start over from scratch’, you know 18 years till freedom start now…again…but no Michael and I knew it was something more. We have been going round and round and round trying to figure it out…especially me…I have been beyond restless, hopeless, annoyed, angry and stumped. WHAT THE HELL IS IT, WHAT CHANGES DO I NEED TO APPLY TO MY LIFE? It was right there on the tip of my tongue, but what…why could I not figure it out?

FINALLY! I sit down to try to work, turn on the tube and open the Oprah folder on our DVR and click play…I became engulfed in the stories of these amazing people. I sat in awe, happiness, hopefulness and ambition. I turned off the TV turned around to face my computer screen blinking on the google search box  and typed in Helicopter tours DFW, looked at the packages, prices, clicked closed, opened google search again, typed into the search box Affordable Vacations in Cabo, opened the links, reviewed the options and prices and closed the windows. I leaned back into my chair and felt overwhelmed, discouraged and upset. How in the hell are we going to be able to vacation in Cabo or do anything outside of what we do now We have 5 kids, bills, responsibilities, businesses….life…AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That is when the Oprah episodes came back into my head, and the episode of  Trama I had watched earlier that evening. Journey’s song ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ flooded my head and it was like a new breath of life flowed into me. I thought about here today, gone tomorrow and now is the time for change. I knew at that moment what the change was that I needed to make. Clear as day it had been right there in front of my face the whole time…ACTING! What better time then now? I am not getting any younger that is for sure and I know, I KNOW this is something I can do.

So today, I woke up and called the only accredited school for acting outside of New York and Los Angeles and made an appointment to visit and tour the campus and interview. I booked a same day interview and drove to Dallas to be there for 4:30 pm. I went, I am inspired and am very much anticipating where this takes me. My journey begins. Classes start in February so I have a few months to start working on me and working on our schedule for me going back to school Mon-Fri all the way over in Dallas which is 45-60+ mins from here depending on traffic.

I am so happy that I have finally scratched that annoying itch that has been driving me crazy for this past year. I have my answer and my journey begins. I plan to blog about it every step of the way for anyone who cares…:).

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- Nena X -

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I do not know the exact number that is required to drive someone crazy but I do know that the 26 dogs we have here right now…well 28 if you count our clients…is more than enough to do the trick for me. Especially with all this damn rain we have been having. While normally I LOVE and I do mean LOVE LOVE LOVE rain…with all these dogs and puppies…I am losing my mind. This recession has slowed puppy sales BIG time and luck for me…I have an over abundance of puppies eating us out of house and home here soon…

I have officially lost my mind right now!

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- Nena X -