I’m tired of being poked!

Ok first get your mind out the gutter, not poked like that silly. I am talking about poked by the jab stick of life. Today I seemed to have a mini toddler like hissy fit. So its a very long story I will not bore you with but let me be clear when I say be careful in what you wish/ask for.I will now be sure to start my day with something like I just haven’t met you yet. Soooooooo…

Our life is anything but full of adventure, to me at least. It always seemed full of monotonous boring day to day events outside of the birthdays and such. It’s just not really like we do anything exciting. With that in mind I sat many times complaining at how boring it is from day to day around here full of childcare, work, stress, bills, childcare and so on. Of course in starting my complaints I started as such:

“God, let me first say Thank You for a healthy family and I by no means wish for you to think I am taking that for granted….but…”

Ah yes the infamous strings attached ‘but’. I would go on to complain at how monotonous days are around here and how there is nothing exciting or eventful going on in our lives. You would think by now I would not question God’s motives or plans nor try to change them. Well I supposed I got what I was asking for. In the midst of an already stressful holiday season approaching we receive a certified letter.

My husband walks in, mind you it was on a day we were semi pissy with each other and were giving each other the semi silent treatment for the few hours prior to this blasted letter arriving. [I cannot even remember really what for now but its something we tend to do to keep each other in check haha.] So,

I am in the kitchen.

Husband tosses a handwritten letter and a typed letter on the counter.

I look over to read the handwritten letter, shrug my shoulders, then proceed with what I am doing. I had no interest in reading the typed letter based on the handwritten letter alone.

He walks out the kitchen.

It wasn’t until a few moments later when we were back in our room together I turned to him and asked how much time do we have?

He answered. Then we discussed our options and proceeded.

Turns out we will have to find a new home come end of Jan 2010. We have lived in this wonderfully small house now for 3 years and have been trying to buy it now for 2 even knowing we have SO outgrown it. I have always knew in my gut we are destined for something else but I seemed to have grown comfortable in a safe non-risk taking sort of way. I do not know what has happened to me along the way of being a mom/wife and what not but it might have to do with the times we were really at rock bottom struggling in our journey together. Shitty luck with family, friends, work and hell just staying alive. Prior to this home we have never lived anywhere more than a few months. 3 years is a HUGE chunk of time for me to be planted in one place and starting all over in a new environment sort of scares the shit out of me. It’s the longest I have ever been anywhere in the last oh…15 years of my life. The last 15 years I have been more gypsy like than anything else.

So back to our developing events soon to come that I seemed to have welcomed with open arms into our lives by complaining how same old same old it is around here.

Day 1: I was fine and obtained our credit reports to start the process for home buying again.

Day 2: I was still ok and started reviewing our credit reports and making sure all info is accurate only to find out there are several things on there half from Verizon that are not valid and the others I have no clue. I was pleased with my progress this day. I achieved in removing 2 invalid blemishes on our reports and felt very accomplished.

Day 3: I started off good, then the journey started in dealing with those ass dicks they call collection agencies and proving their inconsistency. Day 3 was nothing like Day 2. The people I spoke with were rude, condescending and down right insulting. Towards the end of day 3 I was approaching a temperamental meltdown. BTW what the hell is going on with me breaking down so easily these days?

Day 4: I wake up and feel overwhelmed by the tasks of the holidays, school events, work [our busiest time of the year mind you], getting our credit reports in line with valid data and the little task of finding a new place to live! Lets just say I was very negative this day. Poor Michael had to deal with a very pessimistic biatch! Towards the end of Day 4 I snapped out of it and went out to get us pizza and baked goods. Hey you never send a temperamental woman to the grocery store alone where they sell baked goods knowing she has to pass the baked goods to get to the diaper/formula isle….okay maybe I didn’t HAVE to take the Bakery route but I did ok.

Day 5: I wake up feeling more optimistic and like this is all happening for the best. I wake up and check my emails to see our bank account [one we rarely use] is overdrawn $1.89 hence leading to a $32.00 fee. Normally in this situation I get very upset because we ALWAYS have so much more money then the overdraft amount in one of our several other accounts with the same bank. Ahhhh! But this time I looked, Michael proceeded to get my attention and say babe chill out calm down, I shrugged and said no biggie. It is what it is and I moved on. Then…later today [today is day 5] Michael went to pick me up dinner and used the wrong card. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it just so happens not only did he use the wrong card [which is my fault I should have been more specific] but he processed it right around 11:45pm. I tried to go to online banking to transfer funds immediately but guess what…

That is the wonderful message I received when attempting to prevent another OD fee. I think in that moment I self combusted. I hate how furious I get about these things and in the moment logically I know its stupid and childish and just plain ridiculous. But I tend to be a passionate person and perhaps make it out to a bigger deal then need be. So needless to say shit hit the fan. I went on and on with  “fuck this fuck that i quit whats the point fuck it I’m over it” blah blah blah blah. I started cleaning my desk. Cleaning like that is what I do when I am angry. I try to use it to be productive and not completely go bonkers.

Well I have obviously calmed down and I am now sitting here typing and out the corner of my eye I can see the huge pile of trash I discarded from my desk.

I had to blog here to get it out and let it go.

I AM TIRED OF BEING POKED! It’s always something. Bills, stupid meaningless overdrafts, credit report inconsistencies, work issues, kids, dogs and now finding a new home. I have decided I need to suck it up, apologize to and thank my husband in the morning for letting me vent and move forward. Before coming to post I went to change The Zion’s diaper so he doesnt wake up wet and sore and while I was back there the perspective of fees, bills and stupid old rude home owning men that are kicking us out and not fulfilling their end of the contract are really not that important after all.

- Over & Out -
- Xavi.Nena -

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